The Framework for Processing Life Changes

How many times have you heard someone say they wish they had a manual for life? While we still must learn to trust and exercise our intuition, there actually is a framework to follow for anything becoming whole. This framework can be applied to anything with humans in it from growing up, to becoming a family, a nonsmoker, an athlete, adopting a new role on the job, creating a business, becoming whole through trauma, gelling as a team, and the list goes on.

Here are the stages:

1) Develop an identity, foundation, routine, and sense of belonging.

2) Find your ‘go-to’ people and establish the boundaries of your relationship with them. Develop a creative aspect to your identity.

3) Gain competence in your ability to maintain the previous elements.

4) Understand that others are experiencing, are attempting to, or have experienced the same process. Develop compassion for others and add this compassion into your partnerships. Help or assist others. Heal from your mishaps.

5) Learn to communicate, to be heard, and to share your thoughts and ideas.

6) Begin to see the complexity of the many moving parts and how they all flow together. Everything has a purpose and position.

7) Understand your place in the larger whole. For example, if your part were the lungs, you recognize you are an essential part of a body, which is the larger whole.

Applying this framework to every change, every situation, after every life-changing event, will give you direction and can serve as your guide so you know where you are going as you progress through these stages of development.

You are not simply dealing with the things that land in your lap–or that you brought upon yourself. You are becoming a new person, an expanded version of yourself with new knowledge.

Change can be very difficult. If you have steps to take, a procedure to follow, at least the process seems less daunting and you will likely shorten the time it takes to recover and become the new you.

Much love,

Tough Times & Tenderness

We’ve all heard that our worst enemy is ourselves. But does anyone actually teach us how to shift our tempo and become our own best friend?

It’s easy to say, “Yeah, I know I should be doing this and that, but I just don’t have time.” The truth is, we don’t make time—until our bodies break down or we break under pressure.

Our culture loves hard work, climbing ladders, and being the best—and doing it all alone. There’s nothing wrong with ambition; I believe we’re here to grow, and growth often lives in those spaces. But even roses need baby’s breath. Hard work needs a friend.

That friend says, “Hey, are you okay? You look a little stressed. Can I help lighten your load or remind you how strong you are and that you’ve got this?”

Before you go down the “Where do I find someone like that?” path... surprise: that person is in your mirror. But let’s be honest—your mirror self might be more likely to shout, “Get moving! You’re late! You’re behind! You’re not enough!”

Being kind to ourselves is one of the hardest things to learn. We’re quick to offer compassion to others, but when it comes to ourselves, we really do blow it.

I still work on this, too. For years, criticism kept me moving—especially as a lifelong people-pleaser. One of the gentlest ways I opened the door to self-kindness was by picturing the little girl in me. I started speaking to her the way I’d speak to any child who needed love and encouragement.

Whoever decided we need to be tough on ourselves to be productive was a few cogs short of a full wheel. The truth is, we’re more productive when we’re kind to ourselves. We think clearer. We see further. We even inspire others to grow.

Because the way we treat others is often just a reflection of how we treat ourselves. The way we see the world mirrors how we see us.

So if you find yourself complaining about how people treat each other… ask: “Am I treating myself with care?” You may not change the world—but you can absolutely change your world.

Start with kindness. Especially toward yourself.
And watch the world bloom around you.

Much love,